With this greeting, I have officially entered into the blogging world. First, I must confess that I enter this new adventure with much caution and trepidation. I am a private person who enjoys anonymity. Also, I am aware that my words have consequences and can influence others to think and act a certain way. I do NOT take this lightly! However, I began to sense about two years ago that God was prompting me to start sharing my thoughts and experiences. As you can see, it has taken me awhile to finally begin.
The purpose of this blog is to share my ongoing journey of seeking to reconcile my Christian faith and sexual orientation. You see, it has not been easy! There have been many valley experiences throughout it. It has been and somewhat continues to be a journey filled with fear, pain, confusion etc. Oftentimes, it feels as if both my arms are being pulled by those who say homosexuality is an especially horrible sin on one side and by those who say that God created me this way and that I should embrace it as a gift on the other side. It feels that my only options are those two extremes. If I embrace one side, then I am called a deluded bigot. However, if I agree with the other side, then I am a degenerate, sinful human being who does not love God. The worst part is that I feel that I am not even allowed to question either side’s conclusions. Each side ‘screams” at me that the choice is so simple if I would just look at the evidence. But, I don’t think it is! Trust me…I have looked, over and over and over again! I have prayed and prayed and prayed and am still praying that God would help me to discern the truth on this matter.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate myself, and I know that Jesus Christ loves me. I am a happy person who seeks to live life to the fullest. I don’t pray that God would make me straight.
But I used to hate myself. I used to think God was disgusted by me. I used to pray every night that God would make me “normal.” Not anymore! I have no doubt that I am the beloved of God, and I don’t think God is going to “smite” me for questioning my beliefs about sexuality.
I have often wondered if there are others who feel this way. If so, why aren’t our stories being told?
With that said, my intended audience is those very people who, like me, feel like we aren’t allowed to really wrestle with our many questions of faith and sexual orientation. Please know that you are not alone.
I am not looking to debate or present myself as an expert on this topic. Trust me…I am not an expert! Rather, I want to be a voice for those who feel caught in the middle of this issue. Hopefully, I can be an encouragement to you. So, the format from here will include personal stories from my journey thus far, book reviews, discussion questions, and interviews.
You are loved by God!