When I began this blog last September, my purpose was to give voice to those of us who are struggling to reconcile our Christian faith and sexual orientation. I even answered the question “Do I believe homosexuality is sin” here. I haven’t shied away from saying that I am currently seeking God’s heart on how I am to live as a Christian who happens to be gay, however that may ultimately look.
I’m not going to pretend that I am some kind of expert or authority on this topic because I’m not; but I am actually living it! I don’t have the luxury to just form an opinion and forget about it. This is my reality.
It has come to my attention that some of my readers are concerned about what I’m promoting through this blog. So, this post is my answer to this concern.
Honestly, I never thought of myself promoting anything. I’m just telling my stories so that the ones who relate may gain some hope. Living in the tension of not yet knowing how to reconcile your faith and sexual orientation is a lonely place. I just want to bring comfort to those who are experiencing this. I want them to know that God is with us. He loves us and has not abandoned us, even in the times we cannot feel His presence.
I’m NOT promoting what path one should ultimately take in his/her own journey. I believe that’s between God and the person. Who am I to question what God is doing in someone’s life.
Since I want to be completely honest in my posts, I will share how I am currently living in this ‘in-between’ state. At this stage in my life, I have embraced celibacy. This doesn’t mean that I think LGBT persons of faith are required to be celibate! Please don’t assume that at all! My journey has included spending some time in an ex-gay ministry as well as involvement in a long-term relationship with someone I still adore and count as a dear friend. I decided to embrace celibacy at this point in my journey so that I can focus on my relationship with Christ without bringing someone else into my ‘mess.’ I don’t think it is fair to date or enter into a relationship with someone if my ‘not knowing’ would bring emotional pain and confusion to her.
I am searching! My thoughts may be different next month, but this is where I am now.